Embracing Silence*
*And making friends with our thoughts.
Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.
-A quote from Buddhist teachings.
I used this quote as a starting point for the silence themed meditation class I planned and delivered recently. The sentiment really spoke to me and summed up how it feels when I meditate – whether I experience a flowing, deep meditation with easy spacious pauses between thoughts and moments of insight or a practice where I’m like a sorter overseeing a never ending conveyer-belt of distracting thoughts that I acknowledge and label as ‘past’, ‘future’, or ‘thinking’, ‘feeling’.
I was excited for the class and had put a lot of thought into the scripts I’d written and how I would embed the theme of embracing silence into each element. I welcomed the attendees and began guiding them into the first meditation. That’s when I heard the tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock of the clock on the wall I always remove before class. Only this time I’d forgotten. The clock wasn’t that loud – no one had noticed it until a silence between my guidance. And now the hands of the clock moving created a thunderous sound. Like an elephant stomping through the studio.
For a moment I had one of those circular conversations with myself (you know the sort of thing: ‘Why did I forget that?? How could I be so unprofessional?? What must people be thinking?? I want to curl up in a ball and roll away…’). Then considered tip-toeing across the room and removing the clock but quickly realised this would be a far greater distraction. I took a few deep breaths, acknowledged the rising feeling of panic in my chest, and instead of letting it take hold, I observed the feeling for what it was, noted it, breathed it out, and came up with a solution. I shortened the meditation, and after it was finished I apologised, removed the clock from the wall, and used it (amidst a ripple of laughter) as a real life example to illustrate how we can train our minds to let go of distractions, and to observe them in a factual way, rather than creating a story around our reactions to them and getting ‘stuck’ on them. Easier said than done.
So, what was designed as a class to teach others techniques that embrace and utilise silence and the immense impact it can have on our minds and bodies, turned out to be a reminder of how much meditation has changed the way I deal with potentially stressful and anxiety inducing situations. In those silences that were broken by the delicate yet somehow destructively consistent measurement of seconds passing, I had the space to observe my full reaction to a human error I had made, and the realisation that I had the tools to deal with it, that I could let go of it and move on from it. I do a lot of Silent Meditation and as much as I know the science behind the benefits of silent meditation - that it can allow us to recognise thought patterns without reacting or judging, can provide more emotional processing and clarity - experiencing it in that moment was a powerful lesson.
When the lips are silent,
The heart has a hundred tongues.
-The Hearts Tongue, adapted from the poem by Rumi
Practices like Zen and Silent Meditation, where external guidance pauses for several minutes (increasing in length over time and with practice), gives students the opportunity to self-guide, and strengthen their own ability to notice when the mind has wondered and bring it back again to the focus of the meditation. This can be scary and odd to begin with but also empowering. It can demonstrate how often you’re able to notice when the thinking mind has taken over, when you’re no longer in the present moment and instead are ruminating on the past or the future. It can give you the space and silence to monitor your own mind, to become an observer of the internal dialogue, to consciously let go of scattered thoughts, memories, and feelings, and to come back to what is real; the present moment.
But sometimes all of that feels too difficult. Sometimes it just doesn’t flow. How about on those days you choose to simply sit in silence – as much as we’re ever in silence. Perhaps you find a place away from others, make yourself comfortable and close your eyes, maybe you sit on a quiet park bench or stay in the car alone a few more minutes after you’ve arrived at your destination. And you give yourself permission to just be. To let silence or even a quieter background noise than you usually have, wash over you. To create pockets of space, of stillness, of no agenda or to-do lists or reminders.
When was the last time you just sat still, with no screen, no book or newspaper or magazine, no conversation, no notepad, no word or number puzzle. When was the last time you sat with no agenda at all other than experiencing your own body and mind in that very moment. In silence. Because sometimes a few minutes of silence is enough to reconnect, to rebalance. It doesn’t have to be labelled meditation. It doesn’t have to be a formal practice applying techniques. Maybe it’s just a few minutes to start making friends with those thoughts and emotions bubbling to the surface, whooshing into the mind. Those distractions that are completely normal, that are part of being human. After all meditation is the art of noticing when the mind has become distracted – when we’re no longer in the present moment. And sometimes that’s just easier to do in silence.
In silence, flowers bloom,
In silence, stars shine,
The loudest strength is quiet,
A power truly divine.
-‘Silent Strength’ adapted from Raj Nandy’s Power of Silence